What Is Your Anger Trying to Tell You? | Krissie McMenamin
What is your anger trying to tell you? Is it pointing to an unmet need, a boundary you haven’t set, or something you’ve been afraid to ask for?
Krissie McMenamin founded RAGEher after recognizing how her own suppressed anger was coming out as passive aggression. Her events give women space to scream, move, dance, and feel emotions they’ve been taught to hide. Krissie joins Amani Roberts and Mandi Graziano for a conversation about the pressure to stay pleasant, the resentment that builds when needs go unspoken, and the difficult conversations we avoid. Through personal stories about marriage, frustration, and learning to listen to their bodies, they ask what happens when anger becomes a reason to speak up and work toward something better.
Notice Where Your Anger Is Showing Up
Krissie didn’t recognize how much anger was shaping her life until a professor in her transformational leadership and coaching program told her she hadn’t integrated it.
She began noticing passive aggression, eye rolling and how much time she spent reacting to things she didn’t want.
“My anger was leaking.”
That realization eventually led to RAGEher, where women gather to feel, express and learn to use their anger. For Krissie, the work began with recognizing what she was already carrying.
Paying attention to your own anger can mean:
Naming what upset you before moving past it
Asking what you need or want to change
Addressing smaller frustrations before they build
Krissie had spent years reacting to her past. Understanding her anger helped her get clearer about the life she wanted to create.
Make an Unfamiliar Experience Easier to Enter
Walking into a room to express anger with strangers can feel uncomfortable. Krissie and her team built RAGEher around a familiar experience: a girls’ night out.
The event has three parts. The Tempest Tavern opens with conversation, including questions about who was allowed to be angry in each person’s family. The Fury Floor brings music, movement and opportunities for expression. The Livid Lounge gives participants time to eat, talk and reflect.
Not everyone participates the same way. Some women yell into pillows. Others cry or gently move their bodies.
“All of it is welcome.”
For anyone building an event or community, that structure offers useful lessons:
Give people a welcoming way to enter
Explain what to expect
Allow different levels of participation
Leave time to process the experience together
The music and movement are part of the event. So are the conversations before and afterward, when participants have time to get comfortable and make sense of what happened.
Practice What You Teach Without Expecting Perfection
Running a business that helps women get out of their heads hasn’t stopped Krissie from getting stuck in her own.
Entrepreneurship still brings rumination, uncertainty and moments when she needs the same practices she offers other people.
“Just because I support other women to do this work does not mean that I have figured it all out.”
One of her biggest lessons has been self-compassion. She can recognize that she is struggling and keep working without treating the struggle as proof she shouldn’t be doing the work.
That can look like:
Recognizing when you’re repeating a familiar pattern
Returning to the practices you recommend to others
Giving yourself room to learn
Taking the next step without demanding that you feel completely ready
Helping others doesn’t remove your own challenges. Krissie is learning to lead the business while continuing to work through hers.
Ask What You’re Fighting For
During a disagreement, it’s easy to focus on what the other person did wrong. Krissie asks a question that gives the conversation somewhere to go.
“What are we fighting for?”
The answer might be better communication, a closer relationship or agreement about raising children. Naming that goal helps identify what needs attention beneath the argument.
Mandi Graziano adds that people can have different ideas about what feels disrespectful. Understanding those differences requires a conversation rather than assuming everyone follows the same rules.
When a disagreement starts going in circles:
Identify the issue you want to resolve
Say what you need from the conversation
Ask what the other person needs
Discuss which behaviors feel hurtful or disrespectful
Return to the outcome you both want
As Mandi puts it, “It’s us against the cause.” Having something to work toward together gives the conversation a purpose beyond staying angry.
Resources Mentioned
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